well.........Can you believe all this! I was so convinced that this was benign. I can hardly grasp it myself! Who would have thought that it would come to this and so suddenly. But I can already see God answering prayer and I do not feel alone.

I did test negative for the breast cancer gene! This means there is no indication that anything could have been passed onto my kids. This also means that I don't have a higher risk for ovarian cancer. One less surgery!

A lumpectomy was never really an option I believe. This cancer wasn't the kind only contained in a duct as we had hoped, but it's invasive as well, broken through the cell wall. But there is no evidence that it has spread throughout the rest of my body. The chest x-ray and blood work to check my liver, lungs, bone and blood were CLEAR! :) Thank you God! But we won't know the stage or type of cancer it is until they examine it after surgery.

Now in surgery they take some of the lymph nodes out under my arm and send them right away to pathology. They check for cancer and then give the waiting surgeon the results on the phone. If it's negative then they can do breast reconstructive surgery right then! The plastic surgeon team are waiting in the room as well. Oh I hope this happens, one less surgery. If it's positive for cancer, then they finish up the masectomy and I'll need radiation without the implants, and then have another surgery at a later date for that.

The thing that was the biggest blow to me was when they told me I'd have chemo. I lost it. With cancer in the lymph nodes, you def. need chemo. If not, they still "offer" it to you. But considering my age (39) and the size of the tumor I would need chemo just to make sure. They say if the tumor is 1 c.m. you need chemo. Mine measured (in malawi) 1.9 c.m. Now there is a chance that the tumor is actually smaller/larger than what the malawian scans read. But they won't know for certain til it's out and they can measure it.

So James really feels like the malaria I had was so bad that it actually suppressed my immune system so much that it brought this lump to the "surface". Otherwise I might still be there with breast cancer and not know it. So I am so very thankful I had malaria!!!

I'm not sure of the time of my surgery next thursday yet. I'm glad that they are acting fast on our behalf.

here are some of my personal prayer requests:

1-that this cancer would be contained in the breast and not in the lymph nodes or anywhere else. Please have people pray this for us!

2-that I would have a positive morale. learn of more success stories!

3-for James. That he would have the strength he needs to be there for all of us! I'm thankful he's not working right now.

4-for our children, Chad, Wes, and Ashley. that they would not be scared. and still feel secure as their life as they knew it changed so abruptly. I do wish that they could've finished the year out in school. But then I remember that God knows what's best for them and that He pulled them out, not us, so He'll take care of them. He loves them.

5-that I would understand the power of prayer. to be honest I don't think I've ever "gotten it".

6-chemo would not make me too sick or tired.

7-that I would be diligent to study what I need to study and change my diet dramatically. It's overwhelming all the literature out there I assume. I have been told numerous times that cancer feeds on sugar so I have cut out processed sugar. I have never been able to do it before now, but when this happens, my perspective changes when I know I CAN"T have it!

8-my son Wes. He has had eczema all of his life. Finally in Malawi it all cleared up and his skin was so smooth and clear! We live in the woods here and I read somewhere that Charlotte is one of the worst in the nation for pollens. Please pray that his eczema doesn't come back!

thank you so much for reading this and praying for me and my family.

love

holli