pretty painful............

I'll be honest and admit that this is the most painful experience I've ever had physically. My surgery went well thursday, they did find one positive node out of the three he checked right then and took out 15-20 more nodes and sent them to pathology that we'll find out about in a week or so.

Hopefully they are negative as well, but regardless they are OUT of my body! If they are negative then I probably won't need radiation. I will still need chemotherapy. We are waiting for the results to determine what stage and type of cancer it is to better know the treatment plan.

The first twenty four hours in the hospital were just awful. I couldn't get my pain under control. Everytime the nurse asked me what my pain level was on a scale of 1-10, my answer always seemed to be 9-10 consistently. So they let me stay one more night. I couldn't even move my left arm at all on thursday, not until sometime on friday. This isn't even the arm they took the nodes from. I can move it just fine now, but my thumb is still numb.

I have only been able to take very short breaths, any deeper ones and it hurts too bad. But this is improving. Thursday, pretty much without break, it felt as if an elephant was sitting on my chest, or that my chest was on fire, or that all of my ribs were broken.

This too has gotten better, I think the elephant has now wandered off :). Now it just feels like the other when I try to get out of bed and move around. But like right now James has me propped up with pillows in a lazy boy and I'm pretty comfortable, IF I sit still. :) I don't mention this for sympathy, but rather so that maybe you'd know to pray specifically how to pray for pain control.

My dad came to the hospital on friday and my mom stayed and helped with my kids and I am so thankful. She's taken great care of them as always.

They have been a big help at home as well. My dad sat with me and fed me a meal the other day. My sister came to my house and that was very encouraging too. My dear friend Carrie came to the hospital from Charleston all day friday and saturday morning helped me in and out of bed and with whatever I needed and I am so grateful for her friendship! love you girl! I was told many people came to sit with my family in the waiting room, thank so much..........

well, we press on. I have to remember that this too is temporary and it shall pass.....I'm grateful we apparently caught this early. thank you for praying for us.

Please pray for strength for James to juggle all he needs to these days.........

holli

Jean Hamilton gave me this verse right before surgery. James and I wrote it on our hands before going into surgery.

psalm 147:5.

Holli is feeling much better today and will be headed home in the morning. Thanks for all of the prayer!

Holli's surgery went well. She did have one node positive for cancer of those sampled. We are unsure of what her treatment course but thats for another day! Thank you for your prayers for her during this time.

Holli's surgery is scheduled for tomorrow, Thursday, at 1220 pm. Please pray as Holli requested on her previous blog. Thanks.

James

well.........Can you believe all this! I was so convinced that this was benign. I can hardly grasp it myself! Who would have thought that it would come to this and so suddenly. But I can already see God answering prayer and I do not feel alone.

I did test negative for the breast cancer gene! This means there is no indication that anything could have been passed onto my kids. This also means that I don't have a higher risk for ovarian cancer. One less surgery!

A lumpectomy was never really an option I believe. This cancer wasn't the kind only contained in a duct as we had hoped, but it's invasive as well, broken through the cell wall. But there is no evidence that it has spread throughout the rest of my body. The chest x-ray and blood work to check my liver, lungs, bone and blood were CLEAR! :) Thank you God! But we won't know the stage or type of cancer it is until they examine it after surgery.

Now in surgery they take some of the lymph nodes out under my arm and send them right away to pathology. They check for cancer and then give the waiting surgeon the results on the phone. If it's negative then they can do breast reconstructive surgery right then! The plastic surgeon team are waiting in the room as well. Oh I hope this happens, one less surgery. If it's positive for cancer, then they finish up the masectomy and I'll need radiation without the implants, and then have another surgery at a later date for that.

The thing that was the biggest blow to me was when they told me I'd have chemo. I lost it. With cancer in the lymph nodes, you def. need chemo. If not, they still "offer" it to you. But considering my age (39) and the size of the tumor I would need chemo just to make sure. They say if the tumor is 1 c.m. you need chemo. Mine measured (in malawi) 1.9 c.m. Now there is a chance that the tumor is actually smaller/larger than what the malawian scans read. But they won't know for certain til it's out and they can measure it.

So James really feels like the malaria I had was so bad that it actually suppressed my immune system so much that it brought this lump to the "surface". Otherwise I might still be there with breast cancer and not know it. So I am so very thankful I had malaria!!!

I'm not sure of the time of my surgery next thursday yet. I'm glad that they are acting fast on our behalf.

here are some of my personal prayer requests:

1-that this cancer would be contained in the breast and not in the lymph nodes or anywhere else. Please have people pray this for us!

2-that I would have a positive morale. learn of more success stories!

3-for James. That he would have the strength he needs to be there for all of us! I'm thankful he's not working right now.

4-for our children, Chad, Wes, and Ashley. that they would not be scared. and still feel secure as their life as they knew it changed so abruptly. I do wish that they could've finished the year out in school. But then I remember that God knows what's best for them and that He pulled them out, not us, so He'll take care of them. He loves them.

5-that I would understand the power of prayer. to be honest I don't think I've ever "gotten it".

6-chemo would not make me too sick or tired.

7-that I would be diligent to study what I need to study and change my diet dramatically. It's overwhelming all the literature out there I assume. I have been told numerous times that cancer feeds on sugar so I have cut out processed sugar. I have never been able to do it before now, but when this happens, my perspective changes when I know I CAN"T have it!

8-my son Wes. He has had eczema all of his life. Finally in Malawi it all cleared up and his skin was so smooth and clear! We live in the woods here and I read somewhere that Charlotte is one of the worst in the nation for pollens. Please pray that his eczema doesn't come back!

thank you so much for reading this and praying for me and my family.

love

holli

Update on Holli's doctor appointment:

Well I went to my appointment in Winston Salem yesterday, wednesday, and was completely shocked! In fact, I still feel in shock. They had to repeat my mammogram and then they did three needle aspirations into the mass or lump in the right breast. These cells came back cancerous. I never thought this would be the case. I guess I had totally talked myself into believing all was benign and I would be on the flight back to Malawi next monday. Needless to say, our plans have changed. I wasn't able to reach James with skype on the wi-fi system in the hospital so we went across the street and connected with him on the computer at Panera Bread. It was a hard call to make. Fortunately, I took my father's advice and had a friend go with me to the appoinment. Christine went with me. She's my very FUN friend who always makes me laugh and she's a nurse on top of that. So I was extremely glad she was with me with they told me the news. Christine, I am forever grateful and indebted to you girl!
My parents also came to Winston with Ashley to "show her off" to some friends while we were at the appointment. Then we all met at Panera Bread.
SO....................what does this all mean? My head is spinning. But James and the boys are, as I type this, packing up our things in Malawi and actually got a flight out friday morning. They will arrive in Charlotte early saturday morning.
I have several doctor's appointments friday. They will discuss with me my options for treatment, lumpectomy versus masectomy. This whole thing makes my stomach turn.
Then I'll meet with a geneticist as well as a plactic surgeon. I will also have a chest x-ray and bloodwork done to see if there has been any intial spreading. PLEASE PLEASE pray that it has not spread.
I will try to keep ya'll informed on our blog here when I know more.

If I could ask you to pray for the following:
-that the cancer has not spread
-safe flight for James and the boys
-wisdom on my part as I listen to these doctors on friday
-that I would have no fear and really learn the power of prayer, I have a lot to learn.
-transition for the boys. They loved life in Malawi and made some really good friends.
We are all leaving some good friends behind, it's VERY hard. We also have to leave our new puppy behind. I cried when I realized that.
-decisions about school for the boys.

One amazing thing is that just a few days ago, I was dealing with our house here and was told that our renter accepted a new job out of town and would be leaving in two weeks! We had noone to rent our house...............until now! God opened up our house for us to move right back in.
thank you so much,
holli